Episode 119: Motherhood, Marriage, and Dissertating

In this week's episode, Marvette shares a call from within her group program that talks about balancing your personal life with your dissertation.  

Transcript:

 Okay. So welcome to write away. Welcome dear friends. We're going to talk about marriage, motherhood and dissertating. And let me just say, when I did my live a couple of weeks ago, I don't, I'm not the number one, the expert by any means necessary on any of these. It's just that I navigate it. Well, I guess so. Or I'm still here and I'm still striving. It's why I was chosen to lead this. So once again, with Dr. Lacy, you know, enough, you have enough, you are enough and we're, and we're thankful for the good Dr. Lacy to let us know these. So start by our overview is that we use the first hour and my case, if we don't have that many people, the first 10 minutes doing some check-ins and then we can definitely get to writing and then we will check in at end. And so right now at this point, we all can check in really. So all of us can, can check in. So you don't necessarily have to tell me your program unless you really want to. But you can just jump into your, your scales of one to 10 on energy focused scholar based six and piece. And then once again, since this month of may, topic is celebrations. Once again, let me know when he's celebrating. So anybody like to go first?


So I'm Elizabeth Morgan and my program was the human development program in a PhD program at UC Davis, university of California Davis. And I say, what's good. I just completed it. And my skip wants scale from one to 10, my energy, I have, I feel great. I have like a 10 energy. My focus is probably like an eight just because I I'm maybe a seven or eight. Like I just feel like now that the dissertation is over for me and I'm like thinking about next steps, it's just I'm not focused and I actually liked not being focused, so that's fine. And then a piece that's like a 10 and then scholar basics. I feel really good. Like I I've been taking a lot of time for myself, drinking water, having good, you know, just remembering what I love to do.


So like I'm celebrating too that just kind of returning back to the things that I love to do. So I start dancing next week. There's you know, a dance group that I was involved in before dissertating God and like got intense and somewhat I'm going back, you know, just stuff like that. Then I had a like a little celebration yesterday with some friends and, you know, just so stuff, you know, traveling. So I'm happy about that. And I'm also sobering cause I like last week I did two things. I I turned in my, like the filing paperwork, that's all done. And then I also did I signed my offer letter. So those things are like Dan and yeah, I'm celebrating those things.


Yeah. Thank you Dr. Morgan here for all of it, because you know, we have similar topics and so we're on similar trajectories and so I'm just, I'm super excited. So you're winning, you're out here winning and it's great. And I love this. That gives me hope. So I, I know you can do it. I can do it Ms. Renee. Well, yes, I'm Renee. I'm in the clinical social work program at the Institute of clinical psychology. I mean it's clinical social work and on a scale from zero to 10 let's see energy. My energy is pretty high. I've been, I've been walking and then I've been focused on drinking water, not journaling a lot then working on teeth because that's a challenge. And completed on first three chapters turned in my IRB form and it's been with my committee for a month, but because they're pushing other doctoral students through and graduations close, I was kind of on the back burner. So I just gave me an opportunity to kind of review and revise. So I'm glad I didn't at this time. So I'm, you know, looking to hear something in the next few weeks and I'm celebrating, this is mother's day month. I celebrate the entire month for mother's day. And I celebrate my birthday, which is day after mother's day. I celebrate that the whole month.


Well, congratulations, happy birthday. Hope you had a blessed mother's day. You got the chapters in, I mean, this is that's great. I just, I feel like y'all could be leading this really, but you know, you're doing it, so that's great. My name is Gabby. I am in the PhD higher ed program at Azusa Pacific university out in Azusa, California. But I don't live in Kelly. I live in Texas on a scale from one to 10, my energy, I would give myself an eight. I've got good, got good energy going. I'm really excited to do this and be a part of this, my focus is probably around a seven ish just because it was my first time leading this. So I'm making sure everything is great. So I'm trying to, you know, that nothing goes wrong, so I'm super focused, but I'm also all over the place.


Like, let me check my phone or let me check and make sure no one's having any issues. My peace is good. Peace is good. My kids aren't here are with my mother-in-law. And so my peace is really good. So then my scholar basics after you know, future Dr. Margaret and Dr. Kaylea got me together. I have been really empowered to do a lot better. I have been journaling. Now y'all know when I say I journal, I don't write it down. I, I have used my voice to text on my phone. And so there's a little Google Google doc hack that I typically do. And so I did my Google doc hack, which is I have Google docs pulled up and then I hit the microphone and then I just start talking and it'll start typing what I'm actually saying.


So that's kind of how I'm getting my darling done. What am I celebrating? I am celebrating that. I have turned in a draft of my IRB to my chair. I had to update it because the IRB coordinator helped me with something else I had. I finished my GPA section. So future Dr. Sebastian who helped get me together, I did finish that and submitted that to somebody in our writing center to look at. And I have I'm also celebrating that my kids aren't here because that gives me some time to get some work done this week, hopefully this week. So I'm actually doing really good. I'm excited. All right. So Margaret, we're just introducing ourselves. Would you like to jump on and next, Hey,


I just woke up. I took a nap. I had, I wake up really early, like early for me in my, in my regular life. So like about like 5:30 even if I don't exercise. So some about three o'clock I'm like, I'm done, I'm tired. My name's Margaret Sebastian, I'm a PhD candidate, still I'm a PhD candidate. And from the university of Northern Colorado in the higher education and student affairs leadership program, we also have a very heavy focus on applied research methods. So I got a really strong background, which apparently is coming in handy right now, a really strong background in statistics and all qualitative methods. My energy is like a two, I think it's just because I just woke up and I was like really struggling to get up. I had turned off all the notifications in my phone for a while. So this today I was looking at all the apps that I use usually check and I realized I missed a time.

Well focus. I actually before I went to sleep, I had some notes for what do next for my document. And my piece is probably at like a 10, my scholar based success being good. I moved around a lot today. I moved a lot today, but no, besides I only exercise five days a week, Monday through Friday. I had 60 minutes for myself. I drank a lot of water. Generally has been good also I'm celebrating from this week. So I was supposed to defend the 18th 19th one of those days. And one of my committee members has COVID and at first I got really, like, I got sad and then I got angry and then I called my chair and she was like, we're just going to edit. We're going to do as much editing because we can do, and I'm going to read it word for word, and I'm going to tell you what to change.

And instead of like, what usually happens is they keep your document. So the day of, and then you edit after and she's like, nah, we just go, I'm just going to edit. So she gave me some really, really good feedback about how I can improve my chapter four. Yeah, it felt really good. So like today I know what I plan to write. Let me see. So celebrate that. I had a very positive reaction to it. Like a lot of people would be like, how dare you? Like, or my favorite response was folks was like well, you don't need him to defend. And I'm like, I need all four of them. And I'm fine with it. Like I had a very, like I spent two weeks hours with her the day that I was supposed to defend, I spent like maybe two and a half, three hours hours with her, like going through a document, really like asking questions about how to make it better.

Oh, it was, it was really good. And then I'm celebrating that. I got invited it to an a women's event for Gus' future school. So he got a job at James Madison university and there was a women's, it was really a fundraising event, but the way that they did it was like women empowerment. Right. And I was like, this is really good. So that was a celebration for me, cause I would not in a million years, like this is like me stepping completely out of my comfort zone. Gus has a job. I'm like, cool. I go visit the job for you and find, find an apartment. I that's not my, I don't usually do stuff like that, like that. I like to travel and I'll step out of my comfort zone, but this is like far beyond anything that I've ever done in my life. So the fact that I'm meeting people at a school that I don't work at, that's, that's real big. So I feel like I'm celebrating like the feelings about the people there. I feel like really excited about him going to work there and maybe that's where I'm going to go work too. So that's what I'm celebrating.
You applied there too, right? You said you applied there, do a job there. And then one of my friends is redoing my like CV and I'm gonna apply to like two more jobs. So feeling good.
 going to be cool. Well, congratulations. That sounds awesome. Like that's another great opportunity. So is it at fundraising or is it just a fundraising event? Fundraising

Event like they did and the scholarships go to women and that was like, but all of their speakers were black women and every person that was on it, like it was like a very, it was the first time I had seen an over representation of black women at a school and the they had a very positive perspective of the institution. So that tells me that either there's a 20 year span where black women were like enjoying the institution. And I mean, cause I didn't see a lot of younger black, well, maybe one young black woman, but it definitely gave me an impression of the school and I had not expected that. So yeah. That's I thought it was good. I thought it was really good limits empowerment right now.
Me too. Well, yeah, I got it when I talked to y'all on Friday or Wednesday together. I feel like

There's something else that, what else did I want to celebrate? Honestly I really I have been really pleased with myself turning in 180 page document, but that is far beyond where I believe or where I thought I would be at this point in my academic career. Like I was like, oh, well, I'm just going to be like, it's going to be like a hundred pages or something, but now I'm like, so yeah. I'm happy.


Ooh. I don't know. I I'm I'm I'm with it. I'm with it. I'm with it. I don't know if I'm making a hundred page, 180 pages, but I'm, I'm aiming for 75. That's right. I didn't tell him. I lived with, you might be 75 pages, so there's tha
Anyway
Okay. Anyway. Hey Alex, we're checking in and didn't didn't know if you wanted the space to check in. I wanted to offer it. I'm good. Good to see you all. Sorry. I'm late. No, you're good. So I wanted to kind of explain my story just a little bit with this whole marriage, motherhood and dissertating. And just know when I've said this all my life. I had talked about it as, I mean, yeah, I'm married, but this works if you're partnered up. So if you're partnered up boot up, if you're not and you're single and it's you and Jesus, it works the same too. Right. And also, you know, I do have kids, but you know, I have, I have obviously human kids, but if you have dog or animal children, I feel like the same. I feel like there's parallels there too. And so even though my two kids that you see in this picture are not here, the dog is running crazy behind me.


So if you do hear her, I apologize. No she stopped, but she she's going anyway. My journey is so I got my master's. I started my master's degree in 2010 and I finished in 2012, this kid right here, this is my oldest. His name is Micah. And he just turned 13, was born in 2008. So for between 2008, 2010, I was not in school, but Eric was and then of course this one right here, this is Mason. He was born in 2009. He's now 12 reason. Why I tell you that and tell you their ages because as long as they can remember as far back as they can remember, mommy has always been in school. I've always been in school as long as they can remember. There was a point in time. So when I started my master's degree in 2010, I finished in 2012 and then I didn't start my PhD until two, 2016.


So there was a four year gap in between the fact that I had gotten my master's degree and then that I had started my doctorate degree. But once again, if you ask them, according to them, mommy has always been in school. And so I wanted to explain kind of a little bit about that because when it comes to being a mom and being married husband and I got married right as I was oh, and I'd finished my bachelor's degree in 2005. So I've had some lapses in between. Right. But so I, as I talk about this and just kind of think about it, I thought about this earlier. And I was like, let me talk about my story for smidge. As far as my whole family is concerned, I've been in school, some semblance of school. When I worked at my previous job before I came here, I had to take a couple of math classes to be able to still teach the developmental math.

So once again, there's some semblance of school. And so the writing theme for our family is that for the longest, probably since 2000, we got married in 2008. So since 2008, we've had school as the reigning theme between me and my husband in some shape, form or fashion. And so we have learned to kind of integrate the kids and the family into kind of what we do. So meaning as the kids were real young, right. We had to take turns. So while I was doing my master's degree, Eric was the parent. And so then Eric started his master's degree. So that four year span in between when I ended and when I started, Eric was getting his master's degree, which meant I had to be the parent. Right. And so now that, that we're being more and they're now older. It's like, okay, we both need to parent cause we've got teens or preteens.

I know Dr. Morgan can attest cause she has, she has teenagers right now, but we've had to figure out how to still be a parent with people, little people who are independent. But yet at the same time be present. So one thing that I have used to incorporate with them is I've incorporated consistency and celebration as well. And so in balance, so consistency of celebration and balance. So like I mentioned all my life and I was live a couple of weeks ago. They know, oh, mom's doing homework. If I'm back here, which you don't know where I'm at in my house. But when I'm where I am in my house and I'm doing homework, they know not to come bother me unless they absolutely positively need me. But how does that work together? How do I be a mom?

And I'm married and motherhood and dissertating is I bring them in along the way. So if Micah has to do my oldest, if he has to do a report on something and he'll be at the computer that I'm moved to where he is so that he can ask me questions, but he also knows mommy's in school. And he also knows that he's not in school by himself. And he actually told me a while back to try not to cry and I'm looking over it because my screen, I have a second screen over here, but he was like, mom, like I see that you're doing homework. And I think that it's great, but everybody in my class, I told them you're becoming a doctor and everybody in my class wants you to come teach 'cause we don't like our math teacher and we want you to come teach.

So can you hurry up and get your doctorate? And you can come teach at my school. And I said, well, that's great. Cause they said that they all voted the fact that they voted and I'm like, oh, so you voted. So how did this kind of, how did we, how do we get on the subjective of this? But, but to me, it, it made me realize I had to stop and think like, man, he knows, like he knows mom is about to be a doctor. We've had to have the conversation that no, I can't help you if you hurt your knee. Or I mean, I can do, I can do first aid. That's about it. So I can't, I can't give you medicine because they thought that for a while. But they know that they get it, that mom can, mom is a doctor.

And I know what that means. And we talk about as far as we bring it into the conversation, you know being a mom and also helping them with and helping my husband with his business now we come from the mindset of and I'm pulling up the chat cause I can't really see it. Yeah. The poor man teacher now, she's still there. She teaches math and science. But just that the fact that they know and they're brought along the journey instead of them being like hindered along the way. That's one thing that me and my husband did not want is we wanted them to somehow be a part of it. No, they can't write this dissertation for me because we'll, that would just be really funny. And they don't really know what that is. They just know that I'm writing a big paper.
But no, but, but they also know and appreciate when I'm present. So this little one here he's our little bowler. In fact, next month we'll go to state for bowling. He made the state bowling tournament and for his bowling I even go to his bowling games and tournaments and I will either have a laptop or my phone or something because I am present, but I also sometimes will have to do work and they know, so we balance it out really well. We also celebrate, so when I turned in, they weren't here. No, they weren't. They weren't here. When I turned in my or finished the last of one bucket I told Eric about it. But in other instances that I finished something and have to celebrate the class. They're like gay, mommy wrote a paragraph. Right. Yay. Mommy did this.
So the celebrations for this month is something that we do ongoing. Just because I bring them along on the journey. And I know, you know, I don't know, you know, now maybe Dr. Morgan, I might put you on the spot and have you speak to so little bit because you're finished. I don't know. No, when I'm done, of course there'll be a part of that journey to when I'm done. But what the experience, what the shift will be like, like now that I'm done, like mommy doesn't have to write and I'm talking about when I'm done done, I'm not talking about edits from my committee. Cause I know I have to do the edits, but when all that said and done and I have nothing else to do, like Dr. Morgan just mentioned like that shift, right? Like now mommy's done now what? Like, I don't think they feel like they don't have their mom fully.

It's just that right. This is all they know is that I've been in school their entire life. And so I'm, I'm looking forward to the shift and I'm looking forward to, because I'm bringing them along the journey and because we celebrate together and because we do all this stuff together then being able to see it and be a part of it, like in our family, when I become doctor is going to be like, they all doctors like, because even Eric's like, so I'm going to be like Dr. Mallet too. And I'm like, okay honey. Yep. You sure are. He actually wants to get his doctorate. That's a separate conversation, but he actually wants to get his doctorate net. So it shows them that they can do it. It shows them that, Hey, mommy has this goal. I can get it done. And it shows that they are along the way for the process.


So Glenda just kind of tell a little bit, because it put, when I thought about this yesterday in terms of what I was going to talk about, I said, I, I think the kids have been like, I've been in school as long as they've been alive and actually the actual nail case. And so even after I get my doctorate degree, there's some other schooling that I will need to have just for retirement purposes, but I can do that, you know, whenever I need to. So so my question for y'all and I invite y'all anybody here and you don't have to be married, you can be partnered up and you can be single with Jesus. So I want, but I want to invite you all to see and just kind of say, Hey, how, and maybe Dr. Morgan, I may ask you first and cheer kind of similar me as well.


What are some, how are some ways that you incorporate? And I think I have my questions here next. How are some ways that you incorporate or involve your faith? Your family system is either when you're doing the process or now I'd like to see as you're done Dr. Morgan, like, how is it now? How does, what does that shift look like? And then if you want anybody want to speak to you, what are some tips that kind of work? What are some things you've incorporated into your family system, whatever that family system looks like that helped you in this process. So I figured we can just talk out loud for these. Okay.


I'll go. So I think I'm shifting, so I don't have any answers, but I do know that it does feel great to have more mental space, you know, to be with the kids. And I think that's like, especially with, you know, COVID we've been together, you know, so that's not a physical thing, but it's just like mentally not really having the space. So that feels really good. I do know. There's definitely been times where like the kids will say any of my husbands say, you know we are very used to you being here, but not being here, you know? And so like, I think like my husband would take walks a lot and that's one of the things that I do within the last year, you know, with dissertating and COVID and everything is we've taken walks almost every day. And I think that really helps with just checking in, but then also during one of the recent walks, he was saying, you know, I could really see a difference in you as far as you just being more present.


And so that felt good. You know, that's feeling good. At least, you know, in this process, I think there's a lot of transition, like my family, we all do transitions differently and have different temperaments to responding to transition. So just giving ourselves grace in this, you know knowing that like I'm going to get on your nerves a little bit more, I'm going to be a little bit more attuned things that I, I wasn't, you know before. So I think that's something, but then also for them. So I think, you know, that's kind of the process, but you know, I've tried to keep the kids as involved as possible. You know, they all knew what I was doing. You know, my son is really cute and funny, you know, he's my 12 year old going on 13 and, you know, he was just like, oh yeah, you were a doctorate of philosophy.

So, you know, your quest is to learn about the world and to like, so, you know, he's breaking it down and just all these things. Cause you know, he's very lots of fracture, factual logical type of thinker. And so he knows all the definitions and yeah, I think, I think there are probably, I haven't like done graduation ceremony yet or anything, but my son was there for like this impromptu. We had like a hooding ceremony, so he was there for that, but my daughter wasn't, she had volleyball practice. But yeah, I think just as much as possible involving them in the process, you know, being doing as much as you can, but you know, know that this dissertation is like a baby, you know, this dissertation is another person that you have to attend to, you have to take care of and nourish, you know?

And but keeping in mind that it's, it's temporary, right? So like this is just one part and when you're done with it, it's over and then you go to the next part and, but the family and the people you love, you know, you can't neglect them, you know? So that's been a or yourself, you know? So that's been like a big part of my journey is trying to keep that balance where I've definitely, I failed straight up failed at times. And then there's been some times that I've I've had good experiences. So yeah, it's a process.

Oh yes. I love that. It is, it is a process for sure, because once again, you don't want them to feel as neglected. There may be times when they are, but the whole along the way, you don't want them to feel like that because they are a part of this journey and they're part of this process. So I love that anybody else, I want to open the floor, great space. Well, I want to share this is Renee. That's all my children are adults. I have one is completing her bachelor's and I have another who's completing her master's but they have always seen me in some type of academic program that I had, my first child, I was in the military and working and in school at the same time. And then if I wasn't in a, in a academic program, I was in some type of training program. And so just to enhance my credentials. And so when I made the, to return to school in 2016 and since my daughters are adults they do remind me that family time is important along with, you know, my husband. And so I'm not as good as I should be, but I'm glad they're older so they can remind me because that, that, that encouraged me to to take better care of myself and they're doing the same thing themselves. So I'm glad to see that.

That's good, honestly. Yeah. That's good. Thank you. Thank you for sharing anybody else. I feel like you just came up from you.

I did. I was going to tell Renee that it looks like she has a zombie behind,
But it's just your picture is like, oh no,
I am really thinking a lot because at first I read it, I was like, I'm not married. I don't need to come to this. And, but but I've definitely thought about my relationship with Gus our entire relationship has been during my PhD program. And up until recently, I had not thought about it because somebody asked me about like, oh, well, you're considering moving to a whole nother state. And, and so I didn't think anything of it. And till it like clicked my whole life with him has been in a dissertation program. It's always been stressful. It's always been writing something or spending three hours while I'm staring at a computer. And so Dr. Lacy had mentioned, what does your life look like outside of the PhD? And I was like, I don't know. I, you know, I'm just going to be honest.


I don't know. He's, he's learned how to accommodate me doing a lot of writing. He's learned how to now accommodate, or at least he feels like he's being supportive of he's being supportive of the process. And when I started my business, he's like, yeah, whatever you want to do, like I'm here, but it has really appeared or hit me more like, oh, I need to figure out what our life looks like. If I choose to move to this new place and I'm not writing all the time, like my conversations with my clients are, it's not as much writing based. And so I just, I wonder what that looks like. But throughout the five years of us dating, he's been the first couple of years, like when I was in my coursework, if he would come, I wouldn't do any work. Like I would not do like, nothing.

Like Gus was there. It's just me and Gus time. And that switched after I got IRB approval and he was here, he was here for that too, where I was, I felt like I was working for 24 hours trying to make sure IRB got approved. And then I collected data with him being here. That was the first time I think he really saw me intensely doing a lot of work, especially cause I had 40 interviews. And so, yeah, just recently he asked like, he's like, what are you looking forward to? And I was like, oh, but this morning I woke up and I finally was able to say like, I'm looking forward to like, like food prepping, like at the beginning of the week, like I'm looking forward to what are we eating? What are we excited about? Like putting in our bodies and how will we exercise? And he's like,
Okay.
So I think maybe perhaps the like trying to, like, I know trying to involve him has been really helpful, but also trying to get him excited about what life looks like as a non-writing PhD student. And maybe, maybe it's, it's just a PhD student. Cause all right. But I just want right to this level. Yes,

Yes. Thank you. And that's, and that's also to key, right? Like to figure out like what for you, even though y'all, aren't married, but you, your partner, does you have a partner? Like what is that going to look like? Cause he has his doctorate too. Right. He has a doctorate and you're having a doctorate. And so it's like, okay, now what is this next step? So going to look like for both of us, which is just something too, I

Mean, we did take, so when he was here we did my virtual hooding and then I took graduation pictures, but I asked him to bring kids, his regalia and everything. So now we have pictures of like both of us and we're like, it just looks so crazy to me. Like, I'm like, is this really happening? This is really happening. Like, I have pictures with the man that I guess I'm about to marry this man. Like, but we had, now we're starting to have conversations. Like if we have children, what does that look like for our children to know that their parents have always had a doctorate, like they're coming into this life with privileges that we did not have. We just didn't. I mean, yeah, we just didn't have that. So it's been very it's been very peaceful to have these conversations. Cause I guess I've never thought about it. Yeah. Like I gotta get through this degree.

Yeah. That's true. And the kids are watching, you know, as someone, you know, and I know Renee and Elizabeth can attest to this too. Like they they're watching, we, I tell my kids, most people probably want to agree with my parenting. It's widow from the school of Freddy family. That's my dad. But I, I say, you know, you got four options and none of those options with Bob living with me, but if you want to do these things, okay, I shall help. You said we live, they, they know the four options. Although they add a fifth one where it says live with mom forever. And I'm like, no, no, no. But just to have the conversations now and start now with what's, what does that look like for our kids? What is my expectation of them versus what could potentially be my reality.

I have that conversation with myself a lot. My husband has to remind me of that. So it's really nice. Margaret, when you said thinking about the future, right? When you have kids and what kids they're, they, they watch, they know, they'll hear, they'll see someone, it gives space for you as well. You and muted. Oh, I just appreciate you all and hearing your testimony. Because I just, you know, from everything, from being married, to seeing the relationship between Gus and Margaret, cause you know, Gus, my fame I just really appreciate being in this space. And I just want to honor my partner. At times I feel like his support has just it's it's like different it's like for comps, I was like, I need you to read these 40 pages and tell me if it makes sense. And he was like, yeah, you don't use commas.

And that's an issue. And I needed that in that moment because I would have never caught the fact that I have trouble using comments. And I, you know, I had struggled because he had gotten his master's while I was still my PhD program. And I was really happy for him. It was a two-year program. And my plan was initially for us to finish together, which was in August, 2019, was it 2019? Yeah. And, and that just didn't happen. And I was happy and I also had dual feelings of just like, like I was supposed to finish with him. Then we were supposed to be done and get married and all these things. And when I realized that that really wasn't going to be the timeline which was fine because I did not want to plan a wedding during quarantine. So many people had to cancel their weddings and was on the money.

But now like I'm appreciative of him that he has his masters and he works and makes the money that I'm going to be able to use to finish out my last semester. Cause I will not have any funding for my last semester. I will not be working. I will, you know, be really dependent on him. And so like obviously now I'm appreciative of him being done and in a place where he has worked stability and can support me and being comfortable to ask for help and, and have that really grown up conversation of like, what does this mean if I don't get any funding in the fall? Like what are we going to do? And, and so being able to have that conversation and have that plan in place that's, you know, his support is really gonna propel me to finish. And so I'm just grateful and thankful for him.

So I just wanted to honor that, that piece of my life, I love that. Yay. Like one day I feel like I hope to meet everybody's partners. I just need to just get on an airplane and just go meet. And I've seen Gus like over the valley to see ma'am person and Alex, same thing where you and your partner, like I've seen him do plates of food or some things, but, you know, I just kinda feel like we just need to see everybody's partners and I can see Eric, although he's sleep right now, but you know, you can, you've seen him in passing too, just needed to meet everybody's partner. Maybe when we all do a right away, meet up, we can just bring our partners and just, you know, there's that.

Yeah. And I just love the idea. Like I know a couple of them, it had to be a couple of months back. I think it was me RO there was a couple of us that were on like a breakout room. And we were talking about how we should write an article about the impact of our partners. Were you on there, Elizabeth? Like, I just remember thinking about that and like, I couldn't put the effort into like thinking and writing out my my experiences, but it is often interesting because they, they get to here. So they're not here, here, but they're in the background like watching and just like, oh, okay. Like when I told Gus at the beginning of the pandemic that I was like, I don't know, what's about to, like, I don't feel comfortable here. And I told him that because I'm, I had just moved to a new place and I didn't know a lot of people.

And so this, this space, this virtual space was my big support system to get me, get me to the place where I can write a whole proposal again, that was COVID, you know, that was applicable to the COVID pandemic. Like I had to write an entire virtual data collection process. And I didn't think about that. And just being here was helpful. And he's, he often says like, I didn't have that, like not just virtual, like he had, we sit in a coffee shop quietly and we write together and that was our, our physical presence were, but not enough to like process our emotions. So I think this, this space has been really valuable and, you know, he finished his PhD before I started mine. So he just knew that there was going to be difficulties. And he like, even for him, he said his proposal, his defense took a year because of all of his edits before. So like I'm doing edits afterwards. And he was like, why would you do that? Like, I'm turning in a full draft and they're taking their time reading my full draft and they're, they're not giving me as much feedback. Whereas you're getting feedback beforehand, even though there's like a bunch of chaos going on. So there's, there's just things that he sees that are completely different from his process. So this, I think this is a good space to be in and really talk about

That's right. And it's most people, you know, right now, I mean, our family is just a part of the process. That's what I used when my master's degree. I'm like, you know, my husband asks, how can, how can I help you? I don't want him reading my stuff. Number one, because we read from two different mindsets. Like he'll probably read it to be like, oh, okay, great. It sounds great. And I'm being me while I'm over here. Like you use the run-on sentence and like all this stuff, cause I can edit other people's things. I just can't edit my own. And so just to be able to have that, that space, I think that'd be a really interesting study. Do a study from the partners slash family. That'd be a great study just to kind of see, you know, if there's what's the relationship or I dunno, I dunno how you would qualitatively ask that question. But quantitatively I'm thinking of what's what's the relationship or something. That'd be great.

I wanted to say something. I think that like one of the things from listening to everyone's story, it's this idea of in order to complete this process, there needs to be an interdependence, right? Like there is no, I do it all on my own. Right. And I think that, you know, if whatever, if you're in a partnership or in a family you know, those, those healthy units have a healthy degree of interdependence, right? Where, you know, when someone has a strength or, you know, challenge or whatever it is, there's others to kind of help, you know, and be that support, you know, and to be that compliment. And I think that, you know, whether it's, if we found it, you know, in our call scholars groups, in our accountability groups, which, you know, I know I did or you also find it in, you know, your partnerships like in, in your family, like those things are really important.

Like you cannot complete this dissertation process without having other people that are going to help sharpen you in, you know, encourage you and give, get you, get you through. And like, my husband never read a single word, you know, of my dissertation or any of my papers. And you know, that's not his strength, you know, but I w you know, we've talked all about it, you know, he's helped me process things, you know, verbally. So, you know, I, I thankful for that. And, you know, my kids know, all they know is a general, you know, like they don't know details, but like I could come to y'all for the details, right. So there really is, there's, there's a need for relationships and need for other people, for us to be able to get through this. And so finding those people and pulling upon the people that you have in your life and the strengths that they can, you know, help you with, I think is key,

Got in nuggets today. Listen, this is just, this is beautiful. I love it. Just some helpful thoughts. For me, balance and consistency for me is key bringing them in along the way, celebrating with me, like you said, bringing our, everybody pretty much said that interdependence as Dr. Morgan just mentioned having them be a part of it be a part of the journey. I invite them in the process and then for me, my family, they celebrate with me. And so I am super thankful for, you know, the fact that I have the space and that my family has to have the actual space and capacity to bear with me as I go through this process. And so those are some helpful thoughts from me. I'm announcements tonight, if you're a part of the happy free paid that's tonight, the call be tonight from seven to nine Eastern.

We did miss the webinar which was so sorry we had to cancel last minute, but I believe we still will have the welcome call on the 25th. So I think that's a Tuesday, so we will have the welcome call on the 25th that is still scheduled to go on Wednesday. We will have the district dissertation Q and a slash the coaching call and then on the 30th of the month which is next Sunday, we will have a, another webinar talk about navigating the IRB and the in between time. And as always, we invite you to listen to the podcast office hour for Dr. Lacey, which drops every Wednesday, I believe, right, Alex? Yes. That drops on Wednesdays. So please make sure you listen to her episodes as they come out or even listen to past episodes, go back and listen to some past ones. Cause she has some really great information that she shares with us there. Now it's to prepare our hearts, minds, and spirits for picture and Alex I'm on a PC. I don't know how to do the shift command control R Q S. So I'm going to let you do that so that you can upload it. Okay. Everyone get ready?

Give me one second. Okay. Stay smiling after three. Ready? One, two C. Let me just make sure it's good. Everyone looks beautiful. Good to go. I'll put this on slack, Gabby. Awesome. So at this time, it's all, it's all of us. I'm not going to do breakout rooms. Really? I just think we both, we all can just stay in the main space and more people tend to jump on. Then I may end up in the breakout rooms, but we will be here until I'm trying to math it in my head.
Wait, is it six o'clock Eastern?
Yes, I know on the thing, it says seven. So people want to work at seven. I can give someone host privileges, but at six o'clock Eastern, I think we should just come back and check in. So and then yeah, or if we need to, I think, yeah, six o'clock Eastern, right? Yes. So, which is five o'clock if anybody is central. All right. So at this time, the right thing.