In this weeks episode, Marvette speaks about the importance of taking care of yourself during your dissertation process and why it is so necessary. Marvette gives us actionable tips to encourage self-care so you can focus on the next 30 days, get your goals accomplished and feel good while doing it.
Hey friend, the time has come to finish your dissertation, graduate and become doctor. Welcome to office hours with Dr. Lacy where we talk about how to finally master this time management thing so you can stay on top of it without losing your mind. Every Wednesday you can find a new episode wherever you listen to podcasts, make sure you hit the subscribe button to make sure you never miss an episode. I’m Dr. Marvette Lacy, your dissertation writing strategist here to be with you along every step of the way. I would like to thank you for coming to today’s office hours. Let’s get started on today’s episode. Hey, how’s writing going? I know you don’t like the question, but let me tell you, when you join the finish your dissertation program, you will love that question. Clients often report feeling excited and joyful to go into their process even before they even get to the dissertation process, and that’s what I’m inviting you to do. I’m inviting you to come inside the group and join us so that you can get the structure you need and the tools that will help you to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to Marvettelacy.com/apply and sign up for the wait list and you will be the first notified when doors are open. See you soon.
Welcome back to a new week. I am excited to be talking to you all. Um, it’s one of the, the highlights of my day. So I wanted to record this episode in real time, because today is November 3rd. It is election day. If you’re listening to this, when it’s recorded. Um, and I am having a little bit of anxiety about what will happen today and what that will mean for us as a country. And, um, this is why I planned today’s topic, um, for you all as well as for myself, um, of like how to take care of yourself. And I feel like a lot of people will tell you, Oh, just make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Make sure you’re showing yourself some grace, but I feel like a lot of people don’t tell you exactly what that means. And I’ve always been a person who is like, but how, how does one do that? What does, What does that mean? How and why? And I used to drive like my parents bananas with that. They’re like, why can’t you just accept things as they are. I’m like, because you’re telling me to do something. I don’t know how to do anyway. That’s a sag. I just want to warn you too. That this is probably my third time starting this episode because I can’t stay on track. I can’t stay focused on the plan here, but I’m going to do my best because I’m on a, I’ve given myself a time limit, so we’re going to do this. But anyway, if you are feeling similar to me, um, I think this episode will be really helpful for you. I want to give you some very tangible things that you can do to take care of yourself, especially during this time. But before we get off into those, I want to do a client spotlight.
Client Spotlight: Roshaunda:
And I I’ve been trying to figure out what can I say about this person? Because there’s so many great things to say, but today’s client spotlight is Roshaunda and Roshaunda there’s I don’t see, I don’t even have words, but if you ever met someone who just has like good energy, um, or you meet someone and you’re like, I think we’re kindred spirits. Like I think we were meant to be that’s exactly how I felt meeting Uh Roshaunda um, and getting to know her over the past couple of years. Um, but I want to talk about her journey in the finish your dissertation program, because there’s so much I could say about her, but just, I wanna, I wanna talk about her journey because I think a lot of you will be able to relate to her journey. So I wanna say, um, of course she knew of me. We have a lot of mutual friends she’s in the same program that I graduated from the University of Georgia, does college student affairs administration program. Um, I’ve been as much as possible wanting to support her. Um, and you know, um, I wanna say like something about me is I’m not, I don’t, I feel like I don’t make great first impressions. Um, and it’s because I don’t like small talk. And so I tend to be very quiet and reserved, especially when meeting people, because I just, I, it’s just not my thing y’all now, if you want to talk about like some deep stuff, some dark stuff, I’m your person, small talk. I’m just not the best at it. Um, so I said that to say that I felt like it took us longer to really start communicating with each other on a regular basis. Um, y’all they are doing some construction outside the window.
And so if you can hear that, we just, we’re going to roll with it, hopefully the editor could like quiet it down, but if not, y’all, this is real it’s real life. Um, but anyway, yeah, I felt like it took us awhile to like get into full swing of things. Um, but you know, relationships can take awhile to build and, um, see I’m off on a side. But anyway, I said at the say, like, I was always attracted to her energy and just feeling like, are we the same person? I don’t know. Um, but earlier this year, um, right now we’re in 2020, and I want to say about January or February, I did a webinar about how to finish your dissertation in 12 months and what you need to do. And Roshaunda attended that webinar it was like her and like two other people and, you know, I go through the spiel, here’s what you need. And then I’m, you know, make the invitation, like I normally do to say, you can join the group. And I remember her face being like, nah, I’m good. It’s a bit of sticker shock. Um, and I was like, you know, completely understand. I completely, for, for a variety of reasons, the program may not be right for everyone. Um, but it is for me, that is why it’s so important to have things like this podcast and videos and to give as much free resources and content as possible, because I want to be able to help people and support people, even if they are unable to join the program. Um, and so that is, that was what my words were to her and to the other people on the webinars: keep using, um, these resources to help you along your journey, come join the Facebook group, have that community because I care about students and I care about you becoming a doctor.
And so, um, it is, I will always put out content and content that is helpful and tangible so that you can get what you need to finish, even if you’re not inside of the program. Um, I know that the finish your dissertation program it’s amazing and is unmatched, it is unlike anything that you will ever experience. I also know that for a variety of reasons, people can’t join. And so I want to be able to give you some of that. Um, even if you’re like, you know, I, this podcast is cool and I appreciate you, and I’m grateful for everyone who listens. Um, and so that’s what I told Roshaunda like, you know, I’m still going to be your friend. I’m still going to be here to support you. I got you. Right. Um, and so that was probably like February and March. We saw each other at a conference and I was just asking her, you know, how are you doing? How are things going? And, you know, she was saying like anxiety was building and she’s getting a little bit nervous about the dissertation she was working on her proposal. Um, and that, you know, most people would say, I just need to get myself together. I just need to get myself organized and everything will be good. And in the course, I said, you know, I’m here to support you. You just let me know. I also started to ask her like, Hey, so what do you think about I’m gonna need some help because I was doing a lot of hiring and I’m like, I’m a need some help on the team.
Yeah. So I was like, I’m gonna need some help. What just think about it. We could do some sort of like bartering type situation. And she was like, Oh, just let me think. Um, and at that time I didn’t have everything written down and laid out. Um, and if you, if you don’t know anything about Roshaunda, please know that she’s gonna always have a plan. She’s gonna always, it’s going to be very clear. She is type A, in the best way possible. And so I’ll told her, I know that I am not that way. I can be the opposite. And I told her, you know, let me get it, let me get it together. Now we’ll, we’ll circle back around. And then quarantine hit Corona hit and, you know, life got a little bit turned around and everyone was, you know, just trying to figure out their new normal. And I was showing up more to say, like, here’s what we can do. You can still focus on your dissertation without, without it robbing you of your life and time. And so I, um, I was doing that. And then she reached out to me to say that she was ready to join the program. And I remember us being on the call cause I do a dissertation breakthrough session with everyone. And she was saying, you know, it was really about the money, but I know I need this. I know it will help me. And I said, you know, it’s not about, it’s not, you know, it’s not about the money for me either, but what I know to be true in my bones, and this is a word for everyone, you show up for what you pay for, you show up for what you pay for.
And whether you like that or not, whether that makes you feel a certain way or not, that is how we’ve been socialized as a society that we value what we spend money on. Especially when it’s a, it’s an amount of money that makes us extremely uncomfortable. And I very well could have been like, sure, come in. But I know that it is important for you to make, to make the investment in yourself. I know that it’s important because for people who don’t have to make any investment and it doesn’t always have to be money, it’s just one of the effective ways. When you invest in yourself, you show up for yourself in a different way. I, there are plenty of friends programs that I’ve been a part of that I could get for free, but I’m like, no, I’m paying you for it because I know this is about me and how I’m showing up.
So that’s a whole aside, but she showed up and, um, I believe within a month, she, she had like, she was at a decent place in chapter two and was working on, I believe one and three. And we had a coaching session and I said, you need to rewrite chapter two because it doesn’t match with who you are as a researcher and your philosophy as a researcher, you need to do it over. And she, I believe she was really at a, at a good closing point with one and three. Um, and within a month she had rewritten chapter two and had wrapped up her proposal and had sent it to her chair to review. And it got approved. I know when I say things like this, people like, I don’t believe you. I promise you that is the power of coaching. It’s not even about me. It’s that power of having someone who can listen to what you’re saying, who can process with you and then reorganize it in a way that works for you within a month, that proposal was done. She had signed, um, she had applied for a fellowship and she was ready to, she was preparing to defend in the month, one month. And she, and did that proposal. It was beautiful. She got that fellowship. Y’all she got that fellowship. And I think it’s really funny because most of our coaching sessions, after that initial coaching session was about money. It wasn’t even about the dissertation. I think people think that, um, when I’m coaching with people, we’re only talking about your dissertation. No, your life, you, life is still, there are other things going on in your world that affects how you show up in your program, your dissertation, you need someone who can help you with all of the things. Um, and so we were just talking about like, what would it mean to get this fellowship? How would it help? And she was awarded it and now she’s collecting data. And now she’s over here just like winning. And she is officially now on team Lacy. I got my stuff together.
She’s on team Lacy. And she leads our plan your dissertation program, and plan your dissertation It’s a time management program that helps you get crystal clear on what you need to do, help you prioritize the most important tasks. And most importantly helps you to get back more time in your week for yourself. So you can just be, and you can just do things for you without having to feel guilty about it. Ro leads that every Monday at 12:00 PM Eastern, and y’all, if you are not in this program, I don’t know what you are doing, but you need to be in it because that good energy I talked about with Ro you get to, you get to experience that every week. Um, but I am so excited that she’s a part of this program and I’m so excited. She’s on team Lacy and I cannot wait to celebrate with her as Dr. Breeden in the spring. I don’t even think this is doing it justice as, as, as far as a spotlight, but I feel like her story is amazing of what happens when you can go from February and being like, No, I’m not going to be able to do that. I can make that type of investment to going all in in May I believe investing in herself, showing up and finishing from previously, she couldn’t show up consistently. And now she’s, I mean, she’s about to be done. This thing is about to wrap up and that was in no time at all. So if that is definitely something you feel like you need, you need to come on over, come join us.
How to Take Care of Yourself in the Writing Process:
Okay. Let me get to how to take care of yourself. I can talk about Roshaunda all day, but I want to respect people’s time. So the mindset issue that comes up when people tell you to take care of yourself, is that you’ll you’ll think like, cause people talk about self care is like bubble Baths or to a spa. I mean, not in these Corona times, but people always talk about self care in a way of, you have to go buy something in a very capitalistic way. And then that could bring up thoughts for us of like, I don’t have money. I don’t have money to do stuff for me. That’s not for me. Or people would say, I don’t have time. Like I got the kids and they’re in school. And I got all this stuff to do for my program. And I need to be working on, I need to be writing. And I at work is picking up because the people are nervous that since we’re working from home, we’re not doing anything.
Or maybe you feel like taking care of yourself is selfish, um, or that you just feel like you should just stop being lazy and you should just push through. What I know deep in my bones is when you take care of yourself, everything else like falls in line. Everything else is taken care of. Pushing through will only take you so far. Taking care of yourself is, I mean it’s needed. So how do you take care of yourself?
1. Take an Hour for Yourself:
Well this is what I tell clients. Number one, you’ve probably heard me talk about the scholar basics, but I live by them. I use them. Number one, take an hour a day for yourself not to do any work or cleaning or chores would take an hour every day for yourself. I don’t care if that means you sitting on the couch, watching golden girls, just take an hour for yourself.
2. Drink 64 oz of Water:
Number two, drink at least 64 ounces of water every day. You will be surprised how many problems are solved by drinking water.
3. Journal for 10 Minutes:
Number three, journal for 10 minutes. Now I know how y’all some of y’all feel about journaling. I literally just mean to take out a sheet of paper and empty out your brain, whatever thoughts come up, just write them out. It don’t gotta be this whole hoopla. Just write out your thoughts.
4. Move Your Body for 10 Minutes:
Number four, move your body for at least 10 minutes a day. Go for a walk, do a little twerk session, do some stretching, move your body, move it.
5. Find Your Top 3:
Um, and number five is find three things that you can do. Three things that will take you 20 minutes or less each to do. And that’s your focus for today. And that’s all you have to do for the day. But I want to add some more to this list.
6. Go to Sleep:
Number six, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. A lot of y’all are not sleeping. This I can sleep when when I’m dead. No, no. Cause you’re going to get there quicker than you want to be. Go to sleep. At least aim for six to seven hours of sleep at night, go to sleep.
7. Eat Real Food:
Um, number seven is to eat food like for real food, like actual food. I see y’all cause I’d be doing this myself like takis, which has been my obsession lately. I tried them for the first time and I’m all in, but eat food. Like I don’t care about like what’s on it, but just sit down and have a meal.
8. Schedule Therapy:
Okay. Number eight, schedule a therapy session, schedule a therapy session, go find you a therapist. Talk to someone.
9. Take Your Medicine:
Number nine, take your medicine. Take your medicine. Especially if you’re taking medicine for anxiety and depression, take your medicine.
10. Turn Off Notifications:
Number 10, turn off your notifications. We talked about this a few weeks ago and stop watching the news. Stop it.
11. Be Around People You Love:
And number 11, which I think is probably the most important be around people, you know, love and trust. If you don’t do any of these other things, find the people, you know, love and trust. Even if it’s just talking to them on a phone, even if it’s a zoom conversation, even if you’re just sitting in silence, be around people, you know, love and trust. So those are the 11 things I have.
What is one thing that you can focus on for the next 30 days to take care of yourself? Especially during this time, let me know, come on over to Instagram at qual_scholars, or you can come and join us at the free Facebook group: Quantitative dissertations made simple as we continue along our 90 day challenge. I’m grateful that I get to be in your ears today and I hope you sincerely take care of yourself today. And Oh, also go over and say hi to Ro and let her know you’re thinking about her. Okay, I’m going to go and I will talk to you all next week. Bye for now.
Join Finish Your Dissertation!:
Hey, you ready to take this work further? Then it’s time for you to join the finish your dissertation program. Finally get the tools, resources, and structure. You need to show up consistent and disciplined in your process. All you need to do is come on over to MarvetteLacy.com/apply and join the finish your dissertation wait list. I’ll see you there. Bye for now. Thanks. Thank you for joining in for today’s office hours. Make sure you come on Instagram and tag me at Marvette Lacy. Let me know what your thoughts were on today’s episode until next time. Do something to show yourself some love. I’ll talk to you next week!